


Secrets, Lies, and Evil Twins

by 27summer



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-20
Updated: 2014-06-20
Packaged: 2018-02-05 11:27:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1816933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/27summer/pseuds/27summer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For Faberry Week Day 6 Doppelganger. Santana notices that Rachel has been acting strange and enlists Kurt’s help in figuring out what’s wrong with her. What they discover is surprising. It’s a pretty silly fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Secrets, Lies, and Evil Twins

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers through 5x13 New Directions. I changed a lot of the things that happened after that episode.

Groaning loudly, Santana woke up slowly. She fumbled for her phone, grumbling when she saw what time it was. She’d had to work late last night and had been looking forward to sleeping late. Kurt was at Blaine’s and Rachel had an early class so why was she woken up so freaking early? What in the world was that noise? She dragged herself up, following the annoying giggles to Rachel’s room. She pulled the curtain back to find Rachel sprawled on her bed and talking on the phone. “Are you kidding me?”

“Santana! What are you doing? I’m on the phone.”

“Yeah, I know. I can hear you all the way from the couch. I was trying to sleep.”

“Oh. Sorry,” Rachel apologized, bringing her phone back up to her ear. “I’ll try to keep it down.”

“Good.” Santana started to turn to leave when she noticed the love struck look on Rachel’s face. “Who are you talking to?”

“None of your business.” Rachel shook her head, ignoring Santana’s scowl. “Not everything involves you.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Santana stomped back to the couch, pulling a pillow over face. “Just keep it down. I’m dead tired.”

“Whatever.”

\-------------------

“So, who’s the guy?” Santana asked later in the day. She smirked when Kurt and Blaine choked on their drinks. She’d been dubious of these Monday night dinner but a free show might be worth it.

“There’s no guy.” Rachel paled but quickly cover her face with a neutral look. “What in the world are you talking about?”

“Please, I got woken up by you giggling like a 15 year old in love for the first time.” Santana sneered. “And you’ve been far less annoying lately. Clearly, you’re getting laid.”

“I- uh- I’m not dating anyone.” Rachel glared fiercely. “It makes no sense. Why wouldn’t I just tell you guys?”

“Maybe he’s an uggo. Or he smells. Or you know, he’s a prostitute. Wait, you already dated a hooker.” Santana clapped her hands together in delight.

“Stop it, Santana. Rachel says she not dating anyone, then she’s not,” Kurt intervened, hoping to stop an argument. “Besides, we’re her friends. She’d tell us if something important was going on.”

“That’s right,” Rachel said, rolling her eyes at Kurt’s obvious attempt to fish for information. “But since you’re all so curious, I’ll tell you. I was talking to Paolo about rehearsal for Funny Girl.”

“Oh, the costar. He’s pretty hot. You have a crush!” Santana exclaimed.

“No, I’m a professional.” Rachel stood up, pushing her plate away. “I can’t wait until Brittany get here and you have something besides my non-existent love life to keep yourself occupied.”

“Ha ha. Very funny,” Santana mumbled as she thought about her girlfriend who had to stop in Lima before coming to New York. “Hey, where are you going? Isn’t it your turn to do dishes?”

“I thought you could do it you’re so bored you’re worrying about my life, I figured I’d give you something to do.” Rachel smirked before heading to her room.

Santana turned to Kurt and Blaine. “What do you two know?”

“We know nothing.” Kurt rolled his eyes. “There’s nothing to know. You heard her.”

“Come one, she’s been acting weird lately. Not just today but for the past few weeks. She never has time to hang out and she’s suspiciously happy,” Santana said, taking her dishes to the sink and gesturing for the boys to do the same.

“She’s busy. Between school, Funny Girl, and work, I’m surprised she has time to speak to us,” Blaine pointed out as he took a towel from Santana and started to dry the dishes when Kurt finished washing them.

“She always had time before. Don’t you want to know what’s got her so busy?”

“No. Rachel will tell us when she’s ready. Besides, I don’t think she wants to date anyone right now,” Kurt said.

Santana shook her head. “You guys are so naïve.”

“Why do you even care so much?” Kurt asked.

“Rachel is my friend. And she has awful taste in men. Have you forgotten Brody the plastic prostitute?”

“I think you’re reading too much into,” Blaine said. “And I also think we should stay out of it. Rachel’s a big girl. If she needs our help, she will ask for it.”

“He’s right.” Kurt smiled at Santana’s scowl. “And so is Rachel. You’re just bored. Once Brittany get here, you won’t care so much about Rachel’s alleged secret lover.”

Santana huffed. “Whatever. Why don’t you finish the dishes?”

“Why are we doing the dishes anyway? You’re the one who chased Rachel away.”

“I just did my nails. Can’t have them ruined.” Santana backed away. “Besides, I’m going to go do some reconnaissance. See if I can find out who Rachel’s new guy is.”

“Don’t, Santana. Stay out of it!” Kurt called after her.

Santana grabbed her phone and headed out the door. She had made her way downstairs and to the street when she got an idea. She dialed quickly, waiting impatiently to speak. “Hey. I thought you couldn’t talk right now. I missed your voice.”

“Quinn? Who the hell did you think I was?”

“Santana? I didn’t look at my phone before I picked up.”

“Yeah, I got that.” Santana settled herself on a bench. “You and Puck still managing to keep things up or are you banging another professor?”

“Not funny. But yeah. It’s- I thought Puck was calling me back. We- we got cut off early.”

“Okay, sure. I don’t even care.” Santana rolled her eyes. “I didn’t actually want to talk about your pathetic love life.”

“Why did you call?” Quinn asked.

“Rachel’s sneaking around and seeing someone. Do you know who?”

“What makes you think that?”

“She’s always giggly and she’s hiding something,” Santana said. “She’s acting guarded.”

“Oh, Santana. Maybe she just has stuff to do.” Quinn chuckled. “Maybe she doesn’t want you in her business. You’re awfully nosy.”

“He, I’m trying to help. You know Rachel’s got shit awful taste in men.” Santana could barely contain her frustration.

“I’m telling you to drop it. Rachel’s had a hard time, she doesn’t need you messing with her life.”

“I guess.”

“Santana?”

“Fine, fine. I’ll leave her alone. But I’m still going to figure this out.”

Quinn sighed. “Of course you are.”

Santana laughed. “Come on, admit it. You’re curious, too.”

“NO, I’m not. I don’t need to know anything that Rachel doesn’t want me to know.”

“You’re no fun.”

“Santana,” Quinn said. “You don’t care this much about Rachel. You’re missing Brittany and looking for something to occupy yourself.”

“Maybe a little.”

“She’ll be there soon. And you don’t want Rachel to kill you before she does.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Santana muttered. “So, how’re you and Puck?”

“Wh-what?”

“You won’t let me butt into Rachel’s love life, I figure I’ll butt into yours.” Santana cackled. “How’s Puck in the sack? From what I remember, he was always pretty good.”

“First of all, I’m not discussing my sex life with you-”

“That bad, huh?”

“Secondly,” Quinn continued as if Santana hadn’t spoken. “I haven’t even seen him since he went back to his base.”

“How does that even work, dating someone you don’t see? Aren’t you worried about cheating? You and Puck aren’t exactly the most faithful people.”

“I- um. It’s- it’s okay,” Quinn stuttered, immediately raising Santana’s suspicions.

“You’re acting weird. What’s wrong?” Santana asked.

“Nothing. I just don’t want to talk about this with you.” Before Santana could say anything else, Quinn went on. “I have another call. I’ve got to go.”

“Say hey to Puck for me.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Quinn scoffed. “Remember, don’t hassle Rachel.”

“Sure thing. Talk to you later.” Santana hung up her phone and dialed Brittany. She was probably the only one who would believe her and wouldn’t try to discourage her from snooping. Maybe she’d even have a few ideas.

\-------------

“Hey, we have to talk,” Kurt said, ambushing Santana as soon as she came into the loft.

“What is your problem? I just got off of work. I’m going to bed.” Santana sat on the couch, looking expectantly up at Kurt.

“Have you heard anything about Rachel?” Kurt asked.

“Oh, sure, you make fun of me but now you want to know.” Santana grinned even as Kurt covered his face with his hands.

“I still don’t think it’s a good idea for you to bug her. But I have noticed she’s been acting weird.” Kurt sighed. “I’m worried about her.”

“What happened? Why are you worried?” Santana patted the spot on the couch next to her and Kurt sat down.

“The past few days, she’s been avoiding me and then today, I walked up to her after class and she was on the phone. When she saw me, she clammed up. She totally avoided my questions. I get that she might want to keep a new relationship to herself. But since we’ve figured out she’s seeing someone, it doesn’t make sense for her not to tell me. Unless the guy’s awful.” Kurt rubbed his hands over his face.

“I’m sure she’s okay,” Santana said hesitantly. She hadn’t really thought Rachel was up to anything. She was just nosy and wanted to pester her. Seeing Kurt so concerned was a little unnerving. There couldn’t really be something wrong, right?

“I don’t know.” Kurt shrugged. “I was kind of hoping you’d tell me nothing was going on.”

“I haven’t found out anything bad,” Santana began, hoping to reassure Kurt.

“But you do know something.”

“Well, yeah. Nothing new but she’s still talking all quiet on the phone.” Santana patted his shoulder. “She’s being more careful now but I thought I heard her say I love you.”

Kurt shook his head. “God, this is ridiculous. Something’s going on. I don’t know what to do about this.”

“You could talk to her. Obviously, she wouldn’t tell me anything but you’re her best friend,” Santana pointed out.

“I don’t think so. Rachel’s not one to hide things. If she wanted me to know, I would.”

“Well, what do you want to do? I mean, I’m going to keep snooping but I’m a meddlesome bitch.” Santana shrugged. “I still think you’d have better luck than me.”

“No. Rachel’s stubborn,” Kurt said firmly. “If I ask, she’ll dig in and refuse to say anything.”

“So we’re stuck then.” Santana yawned. “We’ll figure out something later. But right now, I’m beat. I’ve got to get some sleep.”

“Okay.” Kurt stood up. “I’ll let you sleep.”

“Kurt?” Santana waited for him to turn around. “She’ll be okay. We’ll make sure of it.”

“Thanks, Santana.” Kurt attempted a smile.

“You’re welcome.”

\----------------------

Kurt and Santana sat together in Blaine’s apartment, plotting out their next move. “Don’t you two think you’re being insane? You’re spying on Rachel, not going to war,” Blaine stated, rolling his eyes at the two of them.

“Honey, we know what we’re doing.” Kurt waved away his concerns.

“Besides, spying on someone requires total focus. Especially since Rachel’s suspicious,” Santana said, eerily concentrated on the paper in front of her.

“Don’t you think that’s a sign you should back off?”

“Hush. Just because you’re allowing us to use your bro-partment for plotting, it doesn’t meant you get to tell us what to do.” Santana crinkled her nose. “Especially since it stinks in here. What’s that smell?”

“Artie and Sam tried to cook hamburgers. It didn’t go well.”

“That doesn’t matter.” Kurt shot a look at Santana. “We’re getting off track here. Blaine, don’t worry. We’ve got this. Santana, are you sure we’ve thought of every possible outcome?”

“Relax, I’ve got this.” Santana waved her hand. “I’ve dealt with Sue Sylvester on a hunger strike, I can handle a singing midget.”

“Santana, be serious.”

“I am. Eavesdropping has only given us a little info. And snooping hasn’t worked, she’s not leaving anything out. We’re going to have to follow here. Tell me you aren’t chickening out..”

“I’m not.” Kurt chewed on his lip, still looking hesitant. “But I don’t want to embarrass her. I just want to make sure she’s safe.”

“Okay.”

“I mean it, Santana.”

“I know. Jeez.” Santana rolled her eyes. “We’ve got it covered. Just make sure you’re not wearing your lame ass gear.”

“I want to blend in,” Kurt said indignantly.

“Wearing all black makes you look like a criminal or a whiny emo kid.” Santana stood up. “We better get back home and act normal. We don’t want Rachel changing her plans without us knowing it.”

“Fine. Bye, Blaine.”

“Bye, Kurt. Good luck.”

\--------------------

“What are you doing?” Kurt hissed. “Why are you texting? What if someone see?”

“Sees what? A person texting in the city? Calm the hell down and keep you head down. You don’t want Rachel to see us.” Santana glanced up, spotting Rachel several yards ahead of them.

“This was a bad idea. Let’s go home.”

“Hell no. You dragged me out of bed for this. You’re not pussying out.”

“I’m not.” Kurt stopped when Rachel did. “Oh, crap.”

“It’s okay.” Santana pulled Kurt in front of her, careful to keep both of their faces hidden. “Oh, gross!”

“What? Who’s that guy?” Kurt asked, sneaking a peak.

“I don’t know but he looks like a douche.”

“How can you possibly know he’s a douche?”

“He’s wearing a fedora, the official hat of douche bags. I bet he’s got a soul patch, too.” Santana scoffed. “Plus, he’s shrimpy and skinny. God, what is wrong with her?”

“Let’s go.” Kurt dragged Santana down the street when Rachel and her guy started to go.

“Come on, the guy’s hair is past his shoulders. I bet he’s some smelly hipster.” Santana groaned. “Oh, no.”

“They’re getting in a cab! How are we supposed to follow them?” Kurt stamped his foot in frustration.

“We can’t.” Santana slapped his shoulder. “At least we’ve got proof now that she’s seeing someone. She can’t lie when we’ve seen it with her own eyes.”

“What do we do now?”

“We wait. We know where she’s going. She’s got to be at the theater doing Funny Girl crap later. We’ll ambush her there.”

Kurt smirked. “How are we going to get in? They don’t let just anyone into a theater.”

“Not true. I was able to bluff my way through an audition.”

“Can we not be reminded of that debacle?” Kurt asked, a frown on his face. “Things have almost settled down. Let’s not go down that road again.”

“Sure, and now Rachel’s dating a dirty hippie.” Santana tugged on his hand. “Come on. Let’s go. You can buy me something eat while we kill time.”

“Why do I have to pay for the food?” Kurt demanded as he followed her down the street.

“Because I’m the one who did all the hard work and you didn’t believe me.”

\----------------

“Quit gawking, Hummel. It’s not that big of a deal.” Santana led Kurt through the theater.

“We’re in a theater on Broadway. It’s amazing.” Kurt looked around with wide eyes.

“We aren’t here for you to live out your Broadway dreams, we’re here to talk to Rachel about her shit taste in guys.”

“Yeah, yeah. How did you even sneak us in here anyway??”

“I flashed one of the security guards.” Santana rolled her eyes at Kurt’s shocked face. “What, I’m hot, why wouldn’t I use it to get what I want?”

“Oh, God.” Kurt followed her, a sour look on her face. They sneaked into another door and Kurt’s jaw dropped. “Wow!”

“I was right, she is dating a dirty hippie.” Santana’s eyes took in the sight on the stage. She couldn’t believe it.

“That’s Quinn!” Kurt hissed as he and Santana sat down at the back of the room.

“No shit, Sherlock.” Santana covered her mouth as she watched Rachel and Quinn play around on the stage.

“I’ve never seen Quinn in jeans before, except for Glee performances.” Kurt stared at them, stunned by how playful and carefree they seemed.

“Who cares? Maybe Berry makes her play the guy in the relationship.”

“Shut up, that’s no how it works and you know it.” Kurt slapped her shoulder. “What are you doing?”

“I’m calling Quinn. I want to hear what bull shit excuse she’s going to spew instead of talking to me.” Santana narrowed her eyes. “She’s been acting weird all this time, too. I can’t believe I didn’t put it together.”

“Why would you. This- this is unbelievable.” Kurt shook his head. “I don’t hear anything. Did you call her?”

“I did.” Santana squinted up at the stage. “Maybe she’s got it on silent.”

“Maybe-”

“Hey! What are you two doing here?” A security guard yanked them both up and dragged them out.

“Listen, we’re theater buffs, don’t kick us out. I can give you a treat.” Santana was cut off by the security guard tossing them outside. “Oh, you’re not into chicks. Kurt, take off your pants and give the guy a show.”

“Shut up, Santana.” Kurt tried to straighten his clothes while Santana answered her phone.

“Quinn?”

“She picked up?” Kurt asked in surprise.

Santana shushed him before turning back to her conversation. “I want to know if you wanted to hang out this weekend.”

“I can’t. I’m busy,” Quinn said shortly, clearly out of breath.

“Busy?” Santana asked, rolling her eyes. “Doing what?”

“I’ve got a performance on Monday that I’m being graded on. I can’t talk right now, okay? Maybe next weekend. Bye.”

Santana hung up her phone and stared incredulously. “What the hell?”

“What did she say?”

“The same shit she’s been saying.”

“It doesn’t make any sense. Why wouldn’t they tell us they’re dating?”

“Maybe they’re not.” Santana shrugged.

“Quinn in the theater didn’t pick up her phone, maybe it’s not her.”

“What, is Rachel dating Quinn’s evil twin?” Kurt smacked her arm. “Take this seriously.”

“I am! Think about it, why else wouldn’t Rachel tell you she was dating Quinn? Plus, that Quinn in the theater with the jeans on.,” Santana pointed out.

“That’s crazy but maybe you’re right.” Kurt chewed his lip. “Rachel’s lost her mind.”

“Yeah,” Santana agreed. “The real Quinn definitely wouldn’t turn her down, I don’t get why she’d go after a low-rent substitute.”

“Really?”

“Oh, yeah. Trust me.” Santana slung her arm around him. “Come on, let’s go home and wait for Rachel.”

“I don’t want to ambush her.”

“Ambush is such an ugly word. I prefer talk.”

Kurt shook his head. “No, Santana. I don’t want to push her away.”

“So you want her to keep dating Faux Quinn in there?” Santana scoffed. “I promise I’ll be soft on her.”

“Okay. Fine. I guess you’re right.”

\-------------------

It was quiet in the loft when Rachel finally came home. Santana and Kurt were waiting on her, expectant looks on their faces. “What’s going on?”

“I think that’s our question. Where were you?” Kurt asked.

“I was at the theater. I told you, I had rehearsal. Why are you looking at me like that?” Rachel asked.

“Yeah, and who were you with?” Kurt tried to keep his temper under control.

“What is your problem?”

“My problem is you’re lying to me!” Kurt shouted.

“Calm down, you’re the one who said you didn’t want to ambush her.” Santana placed a hand on Kurt’s back. “Look, we know.”

“Know what?” Rachel snapped.

“About your new girlfriend.”

Rachel rolled her eyes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Stop it. We saw you with her!” Kurt stood up, his fists clenched. “We were at the theater.”

“What? You saw me and-”

“Yeah, we saw you and your fake Quinn girlfriend,” Santana said, getting between the two of them.

“Fake Quinn?” Rachel looked surprised as she listened to Santana.

“Don’t tell me you don’t see the resemblance.” Santana laughed. “It’s so freaking obvious.”

“Of course she sees the resemblance. That’s why she didn’t tell us. Because she knows we’d tell her she’s acting crazy.” Kurt glared.

“I don’t know what to address first. The fact that you spied on me or your opinion of my girlfriend,” Rachel said slowly. “But let me make a call first.”

“To who?”

Rachel ignored the question, smiling as she talked on the phone. “Hey. Have left for your hotel yet? Can you come over? Kurt and Santana were spying on me and they know, sort of. Okay. Thanks. I’ll see you soon. Me, too.”

“We get to meet her, huh?” Santana grinned

“Don’t. we’ll talk when she gets here. I am so furious right now.”

“Why? We’re the one you lied to.” Kurt sat back down, sulking quite a bit.

“It was none of your business.”

“We’re supposed to be friends. If I’d have known, I’d have told you how crazy this is.” Kurt softened a little. “I know you’re a little messed up since Finn died but this isn’t right.”

“Finn has nothing to do with this,” Rachel hissed. “I- I don’t want to hear anything you have to say. Just wait until she get here.”

The three of them sat in the tension-filled loft as they waited. Finally, there was a knock and everyone jumped up. “No. I will get it. You stay here.” After a few minutes, Rachel came back, holding a smirking Quinn’s hand. “I told her everything.”

“Look,” Kurt began. “I’m sure you’re a nice person but-”

“God, I thought Rachel was pulling a joke on me.” Quinn scoffed. “You’re total idiots.”

“Quinn?” Santana walked over to them, looking closely at Quinn. “Is it really you?”

“Shut up. Have you lost your minds? Why in the world was evil twin the first think you went to?” Quinn asked.

“Well, actually, when we saw you on the street with the goofy fedora and jeans, we thought you were a dude. But at the theater, we recognized you. But then you didn’t pick up when I called you,” Santana stated as thought it wasn’t the silliest thing she’d ever said.

Quinn rubbed her forehead. “I have no idea how to respond to you.”

“This has been settled. Quinn and I are going to my room. Leave us alone.” Rachel grabbed Quinn’s hand and led her toward her room.

“Wait a second. You still lied to us.” Kurt stepped in front of them. “Maybe we shouldn’t have spied on you but you weren’t honest.”

“Because it’s my life. It had nothing to do with you.” Rachel exhaled noisily.

“Rachel-”

“No, I don’t want to hear it. I don’t have to tell you everything. I’m allowed to have secrets,” Rachel said quietly, leaning into Quinn when she put an arm around her.

“I don’t get it. If you guys weren’t doing anything wrong, why wouldn’t you just tell us? You knew we were worried,” Kurt said.

Rachel rolled her eyes, glancing between both Kurt and Santana. “Santana’s just nosy. And maybe you care but you’re just pissed off that I keep something to myself.”

“Look, this is done. You guys know. I’m sorry if you think this is some kind of betrayal but it really wasn’t about you. We wanted to be together without interference from everyone we know.” Quinn rubbed circles on Rachel’s back.

“So we should just get over it,” Kurt said resentfully.

“Pretty much. We weren’t trying to hurt you. And I know Santana doesn’t actually care.” Quinn shot a look at Santana, who had the decency to look abashed.

“I honestly didn’t mean to cause trouble. I probably should apologize,” Santana admitted.

“Probably?”

“Don’t press your luck, Hobbit. I’m sorry, okay? That’s as good as you’re getting,” Santana said, back away when Quinn took a step toward her.

“Watch it,” Quinn warned. “You owe us both more than that but I know better than to expect it.”

“Whatever.” Santana flopped back on the couch. “I’m done with this.”

“Fine. Just stay out of my life. I don’t need you to protect me. Especially not from Quinn.” Rachel leaned her head against Quinn’s arm.

“She’s right.” Quinn kissed the top of Rachel’s head, ignoring the looks she got from Kurt and Santana. “Now, I think we’re going to head to my hotel room for the night.”

“That sounds good to me.” Rachel offered a small smile to her roommates. “I’ll see you both tomorrow. We can talk then.”

“Okay.” Kurt tried to smile back and left the room.

“Have fun, Ladies. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” Santana laughed.

“That’s quite a lot that we can do.”

“Hey.” Rachel elbowed Quinn. “We agreed not to discuss our sex life with Santana.”

“You should be thanking me. I taught Quinn everything she knows about lady sex.”

“Please don’t bring that up.” Quinn began leading Rachel to the door. “Let’s get out now.”

“Good idea. Good bye, Santana.”

“Bye.” Santana smiled to herself after they left. It was nice to have the mystery solved. The situation became messier than she intended but everything ended up all right. Now, if only Brittany were here, her life would be perfect. She got out her phone, anxious to tell her girlfriend all about it.


End file.
